Yelp Reviews, Google Reviews, and everybody else.

reviewsSo I’m sure everyone sees the orange or gold stars on Google or Bing when they’re looking for a restaurant or some kind of service online?

What the hell does that mean? Well it depends on who you are?

Well if you’re a tourist and have no one to ask about the good local places to eat at, you either ask your hotel concierge or ask a local?  What if they don’t know or care that much. You might go to the internet next and now you’re relying on internet opinions – What do they know?   Well, I lived in LA for almost half my life and I still don’t know where the best Mexican food is, I just go where ever its cheap and they know me. Think about it.  “[slowly] and…they…know…me”  So it’s obvious that this is true for a lot people and whenever you know someone…



Let’s face it. When you go to a familiar restaurant, you know what’s expected, you might get “hooked up”, you might even get faster service or a discount, so of course your experience is fucking awesome. So then you might even write a nice blog about the place or give them that super nice review and click the 5 little stars that pop up on some award system.  So where am I going with this? There was a time before Yelp and online reviews, they were basically word of mouth, written articles, magazine reviews or ads that were published.  They still have awards and all kinds of shit to make it more competitive today. Then there’s people like me who don’t really give a shit. I just want to eat.

So the online reviews came along and everything changed. The worst fucking place became the best place, and the best cheap restaurant became the worst and everything is chaos.  Yelp knew about this problem and realized that all the other review companies are paid by the magazine editors, food corporations, competitors, and all the other politics that come with it.  Businesses start writing short and harmful words about their competitors and tried to pump everyone with fake reviews.

So now Yelp is focused on the long, honest, and detailed reviews. The second thing they look for is authenticity and how active they are in terms of usage.  The most obvious way to find a fake yelp review or any fake account is easy.  Look at the logic, 5 people all of a sudden sign up a for a new account within a few days and gave a restaurant or a certain business 5 stars within a week.  Nobody has time for that shit.   Even if a business got a review by regular Yelper or Googler, what’s the odd of another person critiquing that place within the same day or the next. Google is pretty bad at this cause I see a lot of short, three word reviews but it might change.  I know as of last year, you need at least 7 or more stars to get the golden stars to pop up. This might change of course.

If you actually read the reviews of anything these yelpers say, they can get pretty boring or nasty, but their content is the magic.  The “Active user” is also the key.  I think people are generally cautious about how they spend their money at a dodgy restaurant.  How many times do you go to a restaurant, order food, half of it taste average and you’re not satisfied, you know you can’t get a refund. It’s not like shopping for clothes where it just doesn’t fit or look good when you get home. If you have the receipt and kept the tags on it, they might be able to refund you or at least give you a store credit. Try to get a refund with some chicken fried rice that you didn’t like and threw some of it back on the plate. Hell fucking no.


That meal is instantaneous.  So getting away from arbitrary reviews, you’ll notice a pattern where different review companies will praise a few restaurants and you’ll realize that there’s some truth to it.  They got a good review on Yelp, Google Reviews, city search, etc etc. That sounds good to me.

read-the-fine-printOk so after babbling on and on about food.  The consumer, you, me, people. The gold stars makes a impact. The moment when you see the search engine on Bing or Google, and see some stars -what the fuck does that mean? Is this kindergarten all over again.  We have to consider why stars are there? It’s user activity.  As long as you’re on the search engine, you’re in a public directory for all kinds of ads and marketing.  After reading these reviews for a lot places. Wow so much bullshit and useless information.

Some of it was because the people in the restaurant were too loud. I think actually use these reviews as jokes. I don’t like visiting the doctor because the artwork in the hospitals are boring. I understand that any place can get loud but if the biggest complaint is the people, instead of the food – there’s something more sociological or maybe psychological about that person.  There are some tips that help people know that the Business might be loud, or expensive, or doesn’t allow dogs or young children. This is why we have websites like these to inform the public with the intent of explaining the details about the place.

The moment we are misinformed or read reviews that are not logical, it sort of makes the critic a bit trivial.  I meet a lot of people that want to write fake reviews about their business so they can be number one or increase their ranking but that takes time and it’s really not the right way to go about it.  You’re never going to get a perfect 5 star rating because you can’t please everyone but you can only do your best.  I know a lot of people pay for ads to get seen and it works at times, but the service has to match the price.  This might sound a bit stereotypical but you have to know the crowd too. I’m keep jumping back to some of the sushi restaurants but when I see the description attire as casual, ambiance as trendy, and a full bar…That’s going to be a bunch of loud ass people on a weekend. I don’t think the noise level is Average.

Of course this post wouldn’t be useful without some SEO examples and what’s the fucking point?  So I know an auto repair business with a crappy website with hardly any bells and whistles, no SEO at all but they have more than 60 reviews on yelp with a flawless review and they do a pretty damn good job.  A competitor company has an amazing website, with perfect SEO, great location, great prices on their oil changes, and a nice looking building but their service sucks and have reports of cheating or lying to the customer.  So what does this mean? The same thing when you walk into a beautiful fancy ass restaurant and everything is perfect but the most important thing is missing or taste like dog shit.  It’s like going to your parents house and they’re making you something you like to eat.  To tell you the truth, most people don’t care and might put some negative review of your kitchen table, or how dark the lighting is but you’re eating something pretty damn fucking good according to your standards so you have take each review with a grain of salt.